Hello Sunday

Today I slept through Yoga at 12:30. I did this last Sunday. I didn't have any gym clothes anyway. I took a 2.5 hour bath. I had a two hot chocolates and two Quaker granola bars. In the bath. The mug I used was the same brown mug I have been using every day for the past few weeks. I use it for my chai tea, my hot chocolate, and my strawberry-flavoured meal replacement drinks. I wash it a few times a day. This saves me from washing other dishes. My favourite meals are liquid anyway. Earlier this week I knocked the mug full of hot chocolate into the hot bubble bath, before I had had a sip of the hot chocolate or stepped into the bath. I emptied both and started over. The mug has a small chip in it now.

The three newest bites on my shin have turned bright red and have clearly defined outlines. There is a dot, then a pinwheel, then another dot. Actually, the pinwheel looks more like a pink uterus. It has a small satellite dot. Last night or the one before, I pulled all my leghair out over the bites, to make the cortisone cream easier to apply. The bite(s) on my wrist are just as itchy, but are not visible.

As I got out of the tub today, I felt dizzy, which meant I had missed a pill. I made another hot chocolate to take the pill with, but the drink is still too hot. Because I feel "off", I will open the X-tended Release capsule and wash down the white pellets, for more immediate effect. In theory.

Between getting out of the tub and boiling the water, I started to cry. I let out a few sobs, teared, then stopped. Observed, detached. Was I sad? No. Well, I think not. Wait... A few more sobs, tears. I blow my nose, dry my eyes. It seems to be over. Am I sad? I'm not sure what emotions are mine and which are the drugs and which are the withdrawal from the drugs. I'm too chicken-shit to get off the drugs. I should take them more conscientiously.

Your Windows activation has expired. Type a different product key for activation. If you do not have a product key, you can buy a new one. Access your computer with reduced functionality.

My bites are itchy. I have no clean clothes to wear to the laundry room to wash my clothes, because the bugs have been living in the clean clothes in my drawers. I am not hallucinating. I have the bugs in a Ziploc bag.

Days off are too much pressure. It's hard enough to distract myself between work and sleep. An entire day alone is overwhelming. I feel a responsibility to do something other than sleep past noon, bathe, sit naked on my couch scratching my insect bites. I have my duvet to pick up from the cleaners and a package from the post office, but neither is open on Sundays. I always go to sleep early on days off.

Scraping hot chocolate powder off a double-pointed knitting needle, I think - I should call someone. I think - is this crazy, or just lonely. Is this me, or just the meds? I think - is this a cry coming on? I think - what will people think.